November 18, 2015

choose optimism

This morning was a funny one.
The kittens wake us up at an unmentionable hour - to eat, to play, to be acknowledged. 
All of the above. 

Sometimes I'm a glutton and choose to check the time.
Just to see.
Just to know. 

Normally on Wednesdays I get up at 5:30 to go to the gym. 
But even the night before, when I was packing my bag, I think I knew in my gut that it wasn't going to happen.
My gym attendance has been hit or miss at best for the past few months
I'm trying
but I'm not turning into an athlete anytime soon.
Anyway - 3:49.

Fella is a doll.
He's a terrible sleeper and usually gets up to feed them and lock them out of the bedroom 
so I can get a couple more hours before morning actually arrives.
He gets less sleep than I am but he still does this.
I love him so.

I went back to sleep, he had to work early and at some point the kittens wanted back in
(they will not be ignored. They cry and scratch at the door relentlessly. 

Who can resist them anyway?

No one.
No one can.

I do have a point. 
And that point is that I didn't want to go to the gym even before I went to bed the previous night. 
The perk of this is that I had time to take my time in the morning. 
I got up early and was ready in no time. 
I went in to work early
(because, work, right now, feels like a heavy yoke on my shoulders and my days are long.)

Yesterday was not a good day - I was grumpy and negative and grumpy. 
(two grumpy-s in one sentence means really grumpy.)

So I set out early. 
And it was beautiful
(see photo above.)
It was quiet and the sky was orange.

We have had such a wonderful fall - warm, not too much rain, beautiful colours. 
For November, it hasn't felt much like November at all.
And that's ok. 

My gym skipping set a good tone for my day. 
I was productive and the foul mood was not to be found.
I enjoyed my day, and I don't remember the last time I said that. 
But I did. 

A week or so ago I was walking home from the grocery store 
and I had just finished grumbling under my breath
(about something that now I can't even remember which makes you realize 
it wasn't worth grumping over in the first place)
and I thought -

What is wrong with me?
Why am I so angry?

And then I thought of something that I would normally scoff at - 

choose optimism. 
It's Pollyanna, yes, but so much less exhausting than hating on everything 
that rubs you the wrong way. 

This new motto hasn't since always been foremost in my mind,
but it makes me smile when I do remember it
if for no reason other than it sounds



It takes you out of the moment.
It wakes you up.
It makes you smile.

And that is an improvement.

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