December 10, 2011

Have I really posted nothing in 10 days?
That's bleak.

But you know - it's not because I feel bleak,
I actually feel very happy.
And content.

Usually at this time of year, I'm fully entrenched in Christmas everything.
I've been listening to carols on the radio.
I've watched Love, Actually a couple of times. And even, perhaps, The Family Stone.

But not this year.
This year I haven't felt a trace of the sadness that usually shadows me.
This year I haven't gone to the sentimental traditions of my childhood.

And I think I've figured out why.
I'm looking forward to Christmas.
I'm looking forward to being on vacation for 2 weeks
and hanging out with my fella and cats
and eating good food and visiting with friends

but I won't be looking for something that is missing.
I won't be trying to recreate something that doesn't exist anymore.
I'll still make my mother's stuffing
and perhaps buy a box of Cap'n Crunch to have on Christmas morning
(since that was the only day of the year my mother let us have sugary cereal)
but for once I'll know that I have what I want
and that I can stop looking
and know that Christmas is only one day of the year
and that the day after, everything will be the same.

And that is not just ok
but good.

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