April 06, 2011

jumble

Lately I feel like my mind is in a jumble.
I have so many things to say
but I can't get anything out.

I know it's in part because I don't give myself time to do it - I occupy myself with other things (putter putter putter how I love to putter)

and end up saying

nothing at all.

There is a lot of stuff going on at work. It's exhausting and consuming
and I'm trying to not let it get to me
but
it's hard.

I went to a bridal shower last weekend for an old friend.

Someone I'd fallen out of touch with, (other than annual Christmas cards)

and even though I'm not invited to her wedding, I went to the shower because I wanted to reconnect.
I am terrible at staying in touch with people. I hate talking on the phone and so I procrastinate.

But it has to stop. I feel like I've lost a lot of the connections that I used to have
and so, at times, I feel really lonely.

I sat at the shower last weekend and listened to people tell their histories with the bride, the remember whens and the when you were a child's that are part of that type of gathering.

And I thought - I miss this.

I know that as you get older, life gets in the way of relationships. People get married, have babies, have little time. But I think we (or at least I) have settled for less. Have accepted the reduced face time and interraction as "ok" and it really isn't.

Relationships need nurture.

So I'm trying.

I'm trying to walk my 10,000 steps per day (i know that doesn't really have anything to do with this but it's not unrelated, somehow)

I'm going to call my Dad (I won't even tell you how long it's been since I've spoken to him)

and I'm going to text my good friend Emily (just to say hi. to say I'm thinking about you. because I am.)

And I'm going to set up a phone date with another friend who I haven't talked to in a really long time.

I'm going to make the people a priority
because I think, in the end, it's really me who wins.

Update: Talked to my Dad. He said I brightened his day, which made me a little sad but also happy. Maybe I'm learning?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've been feeling the same way lately. I really need to make time to get back in touch with old friends. Thanks.